using his Little Potty at 7-months oldOur son turned 13 months old this past Sunday.
To celebrate, he went the whole day diaper-free -- without any 'misses'!
What are misses, you ask?
Those would be when he either doesn't make it over to his Little Potty on his own, or my husband and I miss his cues (usually facial, sometimes verbal) signaling to us that he needs our help in getting him to his Little Potty in time. There have not been too many misses over the past 13 months in our house, and usually, when they have occurred, it has been my fault (busy working or something silly like that).
Before our son was born, we planned to practice EC (elimination communication) exclusively. But *life* happens -- birth did not go exactly as planned, and therefor the postpartum period was impacted as well. My husband deployed 1/2 way around the world 4 days post-birth, and did not return home for 4 months. I was left to figure out motherhood -- and single motherhood -- for the first time on my own.
Needless to say, our high expectations for exclusive Diaper Freedom from the get-go did not happen as planned. Instead, we chose to use a combo of EC and cloth (which is pretty typical for many families practicing EC in modern households). When my husband returned, we both discovered how much we love the ease of cloth pocket diapers with snaps. Super comfy, cute, re-usable, very simple, and saving us oodles of $$ (although EC is even cheaper). So, along side our little stash of cloth favorites (Wonderoos, Blueberry, and Dilley Dally) we employed the use of a Little Potty, which our son loved.
Over the months our son taught us to trust in what some call 'Natural Infant Hygiene'. Skeptical friends and family members had told us prior to his birth that elimination communication is impossible and that babies don't have the ability to know when they need to 'go'. Quite frankly, they are wrong. Babies from birth feel the urge to eliminate and they 'tell' those around with tiny, sometimes subtle cues -- a grimace, a smirk, a little noise. Some babies move their body a certain way or just give you 'the look'. The cues to 'go' are similar (yet different) to those made by newborn babies when they are hungry. Babies do communicate. But it is parents who must pay attention to their baby's cues if they want to benefit from going diaper-free.
This method DOES take more attention and dedication on the part of parents - you cannot ignore your baby. As such, it certainly is not going to be the method of choice for every parent out there. But for us, an EC/cloth mix has worked fabulously well. Here we are at 13-months of age and our son excitedly shows us that he knows how to go to his Little Potty entirely on his own (during daytime hours).
For those who are curious to take a look inside this ever-growing, but old-as-time, baby hygiene method, I thought I'd share this glimpse into our own 1st experience with EC and include an excerpt below from Dr. Sarah Buckley's outstanding (go-out-and-get-it-now!) book, Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering.
By Dr. Sarah Buckley, MD
shared on DrMomma.org with permission
Is it really possible to raise a baby without diapers? Can our babies actually communicate their elimination needs? Well, how do you know when your baby needs to breastfeed?
Perhaps you recognize a certain gesture or cry. Perhaps your baby is restless, fist or finger sucking, or has a newborn's blind rooting behavior. Maybe you also consider when your baby last fed, and whether they might have a special need for the breast because of tiredness, teething or being in an unfamiliar environment. As well, you might think about your infant's activity level; the weather; his or her routine; your routine; and many other factors that you instinctively take into account when you interpret your baby's signals.
And when you offer your breast, you usually get a "Yes" from your baby, but sometimes they will decline, or be only half interested, whether or not you are reading the signals correctly.
However, gradually and gently, you and your baby learn to fit together, communicating with each other and having a mutually satisfying nursing relationship — not to mention saving on all the cost and activity that formula feeding can imply.
Now imagine the same process, but with a focus on what your baby produces, rather than what they take in. This is elimination communication (EC) — also known as elimination timing (ET), natural infant hygiene (NIH), diaper freedom, and infant potty training (IPT), among other names — in which we learn to communicate with our babies about their elimination: peeing and pooping.
Just as our babies know their own bodies, and their needs for food and breast, they also know the bodily sensations that go with the need to pee and poop, and they can, and usually do, communicate these needs. They tell us through body language, noises (from the bottom end as well as the top), fussiness, and also by the subtler, psychic communications that result from the intimate sharing of body space between mother and baby.
And if we pick up these signals, we can process them just as we do with breastfeeding, taking into account other factors and arriving at our interpretation of whether baby needs to eliminate. Then we have the opportunity to respond and offer a solution matched exactly to this baby's need. We can hold our babies in a position, and in a place, that facilitates their act of elimination. We can also feel, as with nursing, the satisfaction of consciously fulfilling our babies' needs from our own resources.
Sometimes we will misinterpret the signals, or may not be getting a clear message, just as with breastfeeding. And our babies will sometimes generously allow us to feed them — and toilet them — according to our needs, if we are going out, going to sleep, etc.
Like breastfeeding, EC has a powerful impact on our relationship with our babies, opening up new levels of communication and understanding, as well as keeping us finely tuned to our baby's their wavelength. EC highlights the mutuality that is, I believe, what our babies most need from us as mothers, and which can be lost or diluted in modern child-rearing practices.
This is not a method of toilet training, as some have misinterpreted. Rather it is an enlightening process for baby and mother (and possibly other carers) that makes conventional toilet training unnecessary, because our babies have never learned to ignore their body's signals. Neither is EC a way of making babies control their bladder or bowels prematurely, coercively, or traumatically. It does, however, dissolve the illusion that children have no control over elimination until the toddler years.
EC is also what the global majority of mothers and babies regard as normal. Very few women worldwide have the resources, facilities, or need for diapers. EC parallels the activities of other mammalian mothers, and seems to be as close to our genetic imprint as we can get.
Why elimination communication?
I came to choose EC with Maia Rose, my fourth baby, after learning about the possibility through several sources. I had read a letter to Mothering magazine in 1998 written by Rosie Wilde (who set up the first EC website) describing her positive experiences using elimination timing with her son.1 Elsewhere, I had read that African women cue their babies by making a "psss" noise when they pee, and I started doing this with Maia when she was newborn. A friend pointed me towards the website when Maia was three months, and, inspired, I held her over the laundry tub for the first time. I made the familiar "psss" noise, and, to my amazement, she peed straight away.
In my daily practice of EC, I had a lot of support from Emma (then ten), Zoe (seven) and Jacob (five) who told me how much they disliked sitting in wet or soiled diapers as babies. Some believe that we set up our society for sexual problems by encouraging our babies to dissociate, or switch off, from unpleasant sensations in their genital areas.
EC has also made a beautiful contribution to my experience of mindfulness in my mothering. Like nursing, EC has kept me close to my baby, physically and psychologically; ensuring that I remained present to my baby's needs; and providing very immediate and practical feedback when I was not tuned in!
As well as these advantages, EC has given us less washing and less waste, and a better time for Mother Earth. And it's been fun! After three babies in diapers, I have been constantly delighted at Maia's ability to communicate her needs, and to keep telling me until I understood. I was also blessed with more of her skin to stroke, especially at sleep time, and of course — no diaper rash.
How does it work?
I've come to the conclusion that probably all babies signal their elimination needs from an early age, but because we're not listening for it, we can misinterpret it as tiredness, needing to feed, or just crankiness — especially if our baby is in a diaper, and we don't observe the connection with eliminating.
In the first few months, I learned Maia's signals by carrying her around bare-bottomed (usually with a cloth under her), and observing her closely. This was fairly easy for me, as it was summer and she was very much in arms in her early months. I discovered that she would squirm and become unsettled when she needed to go, sometimes with low-level crying, especially if it took me a while to "get it."
At other times, it was more psychic, and I found myself heading for the laundry sink, where she usually eliminated, without really thinking. When I was distracted, or delayed acting on my hunch, I sometimes got peed on. (However, she almost never peed on me when I carried her in a sling.) Her signal for poop was usually noisy wind, and sometimes she'd pull off the breast as a means of signaling that she needed to go. She didn't want to sit in her own poop!
Learning Maia's daily pattern was also useful. She usually pooped first thing in the morning, and, as a baby, tended to pee frequently (about every 10 minutes) in the first few hours after arising. (Nicholas found this really tricky when he was caring for her in the morning.) I noticed that she would also pee about ten minutes (that's mama minutes, not clock minutes) after breastfeeding or drinking. She would almost always pee on awaking, which seems true of older children too; I think it is the need to eliminate that actually wakened her.
In her first year, we used the laundry sink by preference. I'd hold her upright by her thighs, with her back resting on my belly. A small plastic bucket with a conveniently concave lip was also useful from the early days2; I'd sit down and hold it between my thighs, holding Maia above it. The "blue bucket" — now a family icon — has been very well traveled, and was also invaluable for nighttime eliminating in the later months. As she got older and heavier, I found that sitting her on the toilet in front of me worked well — sometimes we'd have a "double pee", which was always successful if nothing else worked! Along with the position, I cued her with my "psss" noise; and sometimes at the tub, when I thought she had a need but was slow to start, I'd run some water as well.
After three months or so of doing this, I became more certain of my interpretation and I would sometimes gently persist, even when she seemed reluctant. Usually I was on track, but it's a fine line; with EC it's vital to have cooperation, and not a battle of wills, which can sometimes develop around toileting issues. EC is more a dance of togetherness that develops, as with breastfeeding, from love and respect for each other.
On a practical level
I used cloth diapers when we were out and about, and peed her as much as I could. Mostly the diapers stayed dry, but I didn't expect to be perfect in these, or any, circumstances. We used toilets or took the bucket (or another plastic container with a tight lid) in the car. When we missed a pee, my reaction was, "Oh well, missed that one." On hot days, I just laid a diaper on the car seat; if it wasn't convenient to stop, I'd say to her, "Sorry Maia, you'll have to pee on the diaper, and I'll change it as soon as we stop."
Maia didn't like to be disturbed at night in the early months, so I'd lay her on a thick cotton blanket and just let her pee. I changed this whenever I woke up. Or I'd wrap a cloth diaper loosely around her bottom and change it when wet. I found that, as with naps, she usually peed on awaking and then would want to nurse.
Around six to seven months, Maia went "on strike" (a well-recognized phenomenon in EC) coinciding with teething and beginning to crawl. She stopped signaling clearly and at times actively resisted being peed. I took it gently; offering opportunities to eliminate when it felt right and not getting upset even when, after refusing to go in the laundry tub, she peed on the floor. Even on bad days, though, we still had most poops in the bucket or the toilet.
At nearly ten months, we were back on track. I noticed that as she became more independent and engrossed in her activity, she was not keen to be removed to eliminate, so I started to bring a receptacle to her. She preferred a bowl or bucket on my lap, and later we began to use a potty: I initially held her while she used it. At nighttime, I started sitting her on the blue bucket (and attached to my breast at the same time — tricky to lie down afterward and not spill the bucket!). When I was less alert, she peed on a diaper or blanket underneath her.
Diaper free!
There was a marked shift soon after she began walking at 12 months, and by 14 months, to my amazement, Maia was out of diapers (diapers) completely. She now was able to communicate her needs very clearly, both verbally and non-verbally, and her ability to hold on was also enhanced. When she needed to eliminate, she said, "wee" (that's Australian for "pee") or headed for the potty — we had several around the house.
Nicholas was so delighted when she first did this that he clapped, and so she would stand up and applaud herself afterwards. She began to be very interested in the fate of her body products, and joined me as we tipped it onto the garden or into the toilet. She even began to get a cloth and wipe up after herself!
With this change, I stopped using diapers altogether, and switched to trainer pants for going out.2 Dresses are great too, for outings with bare-bottomed girls in warm summer months. By around 16 months, Maia was totally autonomous in her daytime elimination. She could tell us her needs in plenty of time to get to the toilet, or could take herself to the potty.
I did find that when we were out of our usual situation — for example, visiting my family overseas — that she needed more help with her elimination, and it felt good to be able to use EC to tune in more deeply with each other. I also found that I was more alert to her needs when we were traveling, so our flight (about four hours from Australia to New Zealand) involved many trips to the toilet, but we arrived with a dry diaper!
Night time
Nights continued to be busy through Maia's second year, with lots of feeding and peeing but, unless she was unwell or I was very tired, we had very few misses, and sitting up at night to pee her seemed to me a small effort in return for the benefits we were reaping.
I used a hot-washed (and therefore shrunken and felted) woollen blanket with a towel on top under the sheets to protect the mattress, and if we had a mishap, I just covered the wet patch with a cotton blanket until the morning. Some EC mothers report that their babies stop peeing at night, even in the first year, or have a predictable pattern (for example not peeing after midnight). Knowing that this was around the corner for us was heartening. Some EC babies are happy to be in diapers at night, but this wasn't right for Maia and me.
When Maia turned two, I began to wean her from night nursing, and so her overnight peeing diminished significantly. By two and a half, we would get through most nights without the blue bucket. Diaper-free days were very easy, and it was delightful to see her peeing her dollies with the "psss" noise!
Learning more
Throughout my EC time with Maia, I learned a lot from talking with other mothers, from the EC email list and from reading and re-reading the beautiful book Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer.3 It seems that our 14-month shift is a usual pattern, and that at some time in the second year, things fall into place and the baby becomes fully continent, although with possible lapses now and again due to changes, illnesses etc.
Ingrid Bauer writes of four tools that we can use to practice EC (a term she coined) with our babies. The first is timing — that is, guessing when your baby needs to pee or poop according to feeding, sleeping, interval since last pee, their usual routine etc. Second, we can learn our baby's signals, noises, and body language, realizing also that whatever signal we respond to will be reinforced, thus creating a unique language for each mother and baby pair.
Third, we can be open and trusting of our intuition and our psychic connection to our baby. EC is a particularly beautiful way to tune into, and develop trust in, this level of communication, and our babies will respond happily when we follow our intuition. Alternatively, when we fail to act on our hunches, we can get very tangible consequences! Fourth — and this was the point I learned about first — we can cue our baby through position, sound, and movement so that our baby learns to release their pee and poop in the appropriate place — bucket, sink, toilet, diaper, garden etc. Different cultures use some or all of these cues; we used a "psss" noise and a supported squat.
I have also learned from Diaper Free some of the physiology of EC, which is totally counter to what I was taught at medical school, where it was asserted that babies do not have sphincter control until close to the second birthday. Obviously the pediatricians didn't consult the global majority of mothers and babies! What interests me is that with EC, which must be our evolutionary norm, babies begin with releasing their bladder and bowel before they learn to hold on. This makes EC very convenient because, when co-operative, a baby can empty even a small amount from their bladder and, for example, I could know that we were starting a car-trip with minimal chance of Maia needing to pee for at least half an hour or so.
Wider perspectives
I wonder also about the mind-body implications of this subtle difference to conventional toilet training. I have witnessed the ease with which Maia can let go of her pee and poop, and I feel that this process may help her in letting go on an emotional level as well. I can also feel, in my mothering, the beauty of supporting her in her eliminative functions, which many of us feel shameful about and would prefer to deny — hence diapers, which hide the eliminating act itself.
For me, the beauty of elimination communication has been in the process, not in the outcome, however remarkable or convenient. (Although it's been great to do less than a full load of washing each day for a family of six!) Using EC has taught me that mothers and babies are connected very deeply — at a gut level — and that babies (and mothers) are much more capable and smart than our society credits.
I have experienced EC with only one baby, starting at a young age. Many women in many places have done it differently; starting from birth or with an older baby; making less or more use of diapers; taking a long time or a short time to catch on; doing EC part-time or full-time; having their babies naked or wearing snow-suits; and some women have even begun work outside the home and trained their baby's caregivers in EC. (This is actually not so radical; in many cultures the baby's grandmother teaches EC, as part of caring for the baby while the mother works.)
If you feel drawn to EC, I encourage you to have a go. Look on the Internet — it's all I needed to get started, and is also a great source of ongoing support. Consider also Ingrid Bauer's comprehensive book, as well as talking to other mothers, especially women from countries such as India and China. Laurie Boucke's excellent book, Infant Potty Training, has an extensive section on EC-type practices in other cultures. Although it can be more complex for older babies, some of whom may have already learned to ignore their body's signals, others may welcome the chance to communicate their elimination needs.
In our society, mothering is often seen as a chore — a time in our lives when we are unintellectual, and unproductive. Dealing with our children's elimination products is perceived as particularly onerous, and big business has capitalized on this, making millions of dollars and tonnes of waste, by manufacturing disposable diapers. These attitudes sadden me — how awful for our children to be seen as the cause of bad feelings and unsanitary waste.
There is, however, a radically different point of view, shared by many in other cultures, that sees mothering as a women's spiritual practice, and our babies as our teachers. We have the opportunity in mothering, as never before, to practise devotion, awareness, selflessness, and unconditional love through our daily mothering tasks. Our intellectual capacities may (or may not) be diminished, but our hearts and instincts can bloom, and we can practise the mindfulness that allows us to be totally in the present — in love with our babies and children — which is where they are.
Blessed be the babies.
Notes:
1. Wilde R. Cloth Diapers (letter). Mothering, 1998:11—12.
2. For small EC receptacles and Australian brand Bright Bots trainer pants, which come in small sizes, see www.theecstore.com [3]
3. Bauer I. Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene. Salt Spring Island BC: Natural Wisdom Press, 2001.
4. Boucke L. Infant Potty Training — A gentle and primeval method adapted to modern living. 2nd ed. Lafayette: White-Boucke Publishing, 2002.
Related Articles:
Diaper Free! [Video]
10 Reasons to go Diaper Free
Related Books:
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
The Diaper Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative
Infant Potty Training: A Gentle and Primeval Method Adopted to Modern Living
Potty Whispering: The Gentle Art of Infant Potty Training
Related Items:
Peaceful Parenting Amazon Store
The EC Store
Related Online Sites:
Tribal Baby
Elimination Communication Yahoo group
Diaper Free Baby
Laurie Boucke's Infant Potty Training Site
Natec's Elimination Timing
MamaRoo Diaper Free site
Ingrid Bauer's The Natural Child
The Diaper Free Baby
EC discussions at the following forums:
Mothering Magazine
Natural Parenting (AU)
Peaceful Parenting (Facebook)
Perhaps you recognize a certain gesture or cry. Perhaps your baby is restless, fist or finger sucking, or has a newborn's blind rooting behavior. Maybe you also consider when your baby last fed, and whether they might have a special need for the breast because of tiredness, teething or being in an unfamiliar environment. As well, you might think about your infant's activity level; the weather; his or her routine; your routine; and many other factors that you instinctively take into account when you interpret your baby's signals.
And when you offer your breast, you usually get a "Yes" from your baby, but sometimes they will decline, or be only half interested, whether or not you are reading the signals correctly.
However, gradually and gently, you and your baby learn to fit together, communicating with each other and having a mutually satisfying nursing relationship — not to mention saving on all the cost and activity that formula feeding can imply.
Now imagine the same process, but with a focus on what your baby produces, rather than what they take in. This is elimination communication (EC) — also known as elimination timing (ET), natural infant hygiene (NIH), diaper freedom, and infant potty training (IPT), among other names — in which we learn to communicate with our babies about their elimination: peeing and pooping.
Just as our babies know their own bodies, and their needs for food and breast, they also know the bodily sensations that go with the need to pee and poop, and they can, and usually do, communicate these needs. They tell us through body language, noises (from the bottom end as well as the top), fussiness, and also by the subtler, psychic communications that result from the intimate sharing of body space between mother and baby.
And if we pick up these signals, we can process them just as we do with breastfeeding, taking into account other factors and arriving at our interpretation of whether baby needs to eliminate. Then we have the opportunity to respond and offer a solution matched exactly to this baby's need. We can hold our babies in a position, and in a place, that facilitates their act of elimination. We can also feel, as with nursing, the satisfaction of consciously fulfilling our babies' needs from our own resources.
Sometimes we will misinterpret the signals, or may not be getting a clear message, just as with breastfeeding. And our babies will sometimes generously allow us to feed them — and toilet them — according to our needs, if we are going out, going to sleep, etc.
Like breastfeeding, EC has a powerful impact on our relationship with our babies, opening up new levels of communication and understanding, as well as keeping us finely tuned to our baby's their wavelength. EC highlights the mutuality that is, I believe, what our babies most need from us as mothers, and which can be lost or diluted in modern child-rearing practices.
This is not a method of toilet training, as some have misinterpreted. Rather it is an enlightening process for baby and mother (and possibly other carers) that makes conventional toilet training unnecessary, because our babies have never learned to ignore their body's signals. Neither is EC a way of making babies control their bladder or bowels prematurely, coercively, or traumatically. It does, however, dissolve the illusion that children have no control over elimination until the toddler years.
EC is also what the global majority of mothers and babies regard as normal. Very few women worldwide have the resources, facilities, or need for diapers. EC parallels the activities of other mammalian mothers, and seems to be as close to our genetic imprint as we can get.
Why elimination communication?
I came to choose EC with Maia Rose, my fourth baby, after learning about the possibility through several sources. I had read a letter to Mothering magazine in 1998 written by Rosie Wilde (who set up the first EC website) describing her positive experiences using elimination timing with her son.1 Elsewhere, I had read that African women cue their babies by making a "psss" noise when they pee, and I started doing this with Maia when she was newborn. A friend pointed me towards the website when Maia was three months, and, inspired, I held her over the laundry tub for the first time. I made the familiar "psss" noise, and, to my amazement, she peed straight away.
In my daily practice of EC, I had a lot of support from Emma (then ten), Zoe (seven) and Jacob (five) who told me how much they disliked sitting in wet or soiled diapers as babies. Some believe that we set up our society for sexual problems by encouraging our babies to dissociate, or switch off, from unpleasant sensations in their genital areas.
EC has also made a beautiful contribution to my experience of mindfulness in my mothering. Like nursing, EC has kept me close to my baby, physically and psychologically; ensuring that I remained present to my baby's needs; and providing very immediate and practical feedback when I was not tuned in!
As well as these advantages, EC has given us less washing and less waste, and a better time for Mother Earth. And it's been fun! After three babies in diapers, I have been constantly delighted at Maia's ability to communicate her needs, and to keep telling me until I understood. I was also blessed with more of her skin to stroke, especially at sleep time, and of course — no diaper rash.
How does it work?
I've come to the conclusion that probably all babies signal their elimination needs from an early age, but because we're not listening for it, we can misinterpret it as tiredness, needing to feed, or just crankiness — especially if our baby is in a diaper, and we don't observe the connection with eliminating.
In the first few months, I learned Maia's signals by carrying her around bare-bottomed (usually with a cloth under her), and observing her closely. This was fairly easy for me, as it was summer and she was very much in arms in her early months. I discovered that she would squirm and become unsettled when she needed to go, sometimes with low-level crying, especially if it took me a while to "get it."
At other times, it was more psychic, and I found myself heading for the laundry sink, where she usually eliminated, without really thinking. When I was distracted, or delayed acting on my hunch, I sometimes got peed on. (However, she almost never peed on me when I carried her in a sling.) Her signal for poop was usually noisy wind, and sometimes she'd pull off the breast as a means of signaling that she needed to go. She didn't want to sit in her own poop!
Learning Maia's daily pattern was also useful. She usually pooped first thing in the morning, and, as a baby, tended to pee frequently (about every 10 minutes) in the first few hours after arising. (Nicholas found this really tricky when he was caring for her in the morning.) I noticed that she would also pee about ten minutes (that's mama minutes, not clock minutes) after breastfeeding or drinking. She would almost always pee on awaking, which seems true of older children too; I think it is the need to eliminate that actually wakened her.
In her first year, we used the laundry sink by preference. I'd hold her upright by her thighs, with her back resting on my belly. A small plastic bucket with a conveniently concave lip was also useful from the early days2; I'd sit down and hold it between my thighs, holding Maia above it. The "blue bucket" — now a family icon — has been very well traveled, and was also invaluable for nighttime eliminating in the later months. As she got older and heavier, I found that sitting her on the toilet in front of me worked well — sometimes we'd have a "double pee", which was always successful if nothing else worked! Along with the position, I cued her with my "psss" noise; and sometimes at the tub, when I thought she had a need but was slow to start, I'd run some water as well.
After three months or so of doing this, I became more certain of my interpretation and I would sometimes gently persist, even when she seemed reluctant. Usually I was on track, but it's a fine line; with EC it's vital to have cooperation, and not a battle of wills, which can sometimes develop around toileting issues. EC is more a dance of togetherness that develops, as with breastfeeding, from love and respect for each other.
On a practical level
I used cloth diapers when we were out and about, and peed her as much as I could. Mostly the diapers stayed dry, but I didn't expect to be perfect in these, or any, circumstances. We used toilets or took the bucket (or another plastic container with a tight lid) in the car. When we missed a pee, my reaction was, "Oh well, missed that one." On hot days, I just laid a diaper on the car seat; if it wasn't convenient to stop, I'd say to her, "Sorry Maia, you'll have to pee on the diaper, and I'll change it as soon as we stop."
Maia didn't like to be disturbed at night in the early months, so I'd lay her on a thick cotton blanket and just let her pee. I changed this whenever I woke up. Or I'd wrap a cloth diaper loosely around her bottom and change it when wet. I found that, as with naps, she usually peed on awaking and then would want to nurse.
Around six to seven months, Maia went "on strike" (a well-recognized phenomenon in EC) coinciding with teething and beginning to crawl. She stopped signaling clearly and at times actively resisted being peed. I took it gently; offering opportunities to eliminate when it felt right and not getting upset even when, after refusing to go in the laundry tub, she peed on the floor. Even on bad days, though, we still had most poops in the bucket or the toilet.
At nearly ten months, we were back on track. I noticed that as she became more independent and engrossed in her activity, she was not keen to be removed to eliminate, so I started to bring a receptacle to her. She preferred a bowl or bucket on my lap, and later we began to use a potty: I initially held her while she used it. At nighttime, I started sitting her on the blue bucket (and attached to my breast at the same time — tricky to lie down afterward and not spill the bucket!). When I was less alert, she peed on a diaper or blanket underneath her.
Diaper free!
There was a marked shift soon after she began walking at 12 months, and by 14 months, to my amazement, Maia was out of diapers (diapers) completely. She now was able to communicate her needs very clearly, both verbally and non-verbally, and her ability to hold on was also enhanced. When she needed to eliminate, she said, "wee" (that's Australian for "pee") or headed for the potty — we had several around the house.
Nicholas was so delighted when she first did this that he clapped, and so she would stand up and applaud herself afterwards. She began to be very interested in the fate of her body products, and joined me as we tipped it onto the garden or into the toilet. She even began to get a cloth and wipe up after herself!
With this change, I stopped using diapers altogether, and switched to trainer pants for going out.2 Dresses are great too, for outings with bare-bottomed girls in warm summer months. By around 16 months, Maia was totally autonomous in her daytime elimination. She could tell us her needs in plenty of time to get to the toilet, or could take herself to the potty.
I did find that when we were out of our usual situation — for example, visiting my family overseas — that she needed more help with her elimination, and it felt good to be able to use EC to tune in more deeply with each other. I also found that I was more alert to her needs when we were traveling, so our flight (about four hours from Australia to New Zealand) involved many trips to the toilet, but we arrived with a dry diaper!
Night time
Nights continued to be busy through Maia's second year, with lots of feeding and peeing but, unless she was unwell or I was very tired, we had very few misses, and sitting up at night to pee her seemed to me a small effort in return for the benefits we were reaping.
I used a hot-washed (and therefore shrunken and felted) woollen blanket with a towel on top under the sheets to protect the mattress, and if we had a mishap, I just covered the wet patch with a cotton blanket until the morning. Some EC mothers report that their babies stop peeing at night, even in the first year, or have a predictable pattern (for example not peeing after midnight). Knowing that this was around the corner for us was heartening. Some EC babies are happy to be in diapers at night, but this wasn't right for Maia and me.
When Maia turned two, I began to wean her from night nursing, and so her overnight peeing diminished significantly. By two and a half, we would get through most nights without the blue bucket. Diaper-free days were very easy, and it was delightful to see her peeing her dollies with the "psss" noise!
Learning more
Throughout my EC time with Maia, I learned a lot from talking with other mothers, from the EC email list and from reading and re-reading the beautiful book Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer.3 It seems that our 14-month shift is a usual pattern, and that at some time in the second year, things fall into place and the baby becomes fully continent, although with possible lapses now and again due to changes, illnesses etc.
Ingrid Bauer writes of four tools that we can use to practice EC (a term she coined) with our babies. The first is timing — that is, guessing when your baby needs to pee or poop according to feeding, sleeping, interval since last pee, their usual routine etc. Second, we can learn our baby's signals, noises, and body language, realizing also that whatever signal we respond to will be reinforced, thus creating a unique language for each mother and baby pair.
Third, we can be open and trusting of our intuition and our psychic connection to our baby. EC is a particularly beautiful way to tune into, and develop trust in, this level of communication, and our babies will respond happily when we follow our intuition. Alternatively, when we fail to act on our hunches, we can get very tangible consequences! Fourth — and this was the point I learned about first — we can cue our baby through position, sound, and movement so that our baby learns to release their pee and poop in the appropriate place — bucket, sink, toilet, diaper, garden etc. Different cultures use some or all of these cues; we used a "psss" noise and a supported squat.
I have also learned from Diaper Free some of the physiology of EC, which is totally counter to what I was taught at medical school, where it was asserted that babies do not have sphincter control until close to the second birthday. Obviously the pediatricians didn't consult the global majority of mothers and babies! What interests me is that with EC, which must be our evolutionary norm, babies begin with releasing their bladder and bowel before they learn to hold on. This makes EC very convenient because, when co-operative, a baby can empty even a small amount from their bladder and, for example, I could know that we were starting a car-trip with minimal chance of Maia needing to pee for at least half an hour or so.
Wider perspectives
I wonder also about the mind-body implications of this subtle difference to conventional toilet training. I have witnessed the ease with which Maia can let go of her pee and poop, and I feel that this process may help her in letting go on an emotional level as well. I can also feel, in my mothering, the beauty of supporting her in her eliminative functions, which many of us feel shameful about and would prefer to deny — hence diapers, which hide the eliminating act itself.
For me, the beauty of elimination communication has been in the process, not in the outcome, however remarkable or convenient. (Although it's been great to do less than a full load of washing each day for a family of six!) Using EC has taught me that mothers and babies are connected very deeply — at a gut level — and that babies (and mothers) are much more capable and smart than our society credits.
I have experienced EC with only one baby, starting at a young age. Many women in many places have done it differently; starting from birth or with an older baby; making less or more use of diapers; taking a long time or a short time to catch on; doing EC part-time or full-time; having their babies naked or wearing snow-suits; and some women have even begun work outside the home and trained their baby's caregivers in EC. (This is actually not so radical; in many cultures the baby's grandmother teaches EC, as part of caring for the baby while the mother works.)
If you feel drawn to EC, I encourage you to have a go. Look on the Internet — it's all I needed to get started, and is also a great source of ongoing support. Consider also Ingrid Bauer's comprehensive book, as well as talking to other mothers, especially women from countries such as India and China. Laurie Boucke's excellent book, Infant Potty Training, has an extensive section on EC-type practices in other cultures. Although it can be more complex for older babies, some of whom may have already learned to ignore their body's signals, others may welcome the chance to communicate their elimination needs.
In our society, mothering is often seen as a chore — a time in our lives when we are unintellectual, and unproductive. Dealing with our children's elimination products is perceived as particularly onerous, and big business has capitalized on this, making millions of dollars and tonnes of waste, by manufacturing disposable diapers. These attitudes sadden me — how awful for our children to be seen as the cause of bad feelings and unsanitary waste.
There is, however, a radically different point of view, shared by many in other cultures, that sees mothering as a women's spiritual practice, and our babies as our teachers. We have the opportunity in mothering, as never before, to practise devotion, awareness, selflessness, and unconditional love through our daily mothering tasks. Our intellectual capacities may (or may not) be diminished, but our hearts and instincts can bloom, and we can practise the mindfulness that allows us to be totally in the present — in love with our babies and children — which is where they are.
Blessed be the babies.
Notes:
1. Wilde R. Cloth Diapers (letter). Mothering, 1998:11—12.
2. For small EC receptacles and Australian brand Bright Bots trainer pants, which come in small sizes, see www.theecstore.com [3]
3. Bauer I. Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene. Salt Spring Island BC: Natural Wisdom Press, 2001.
4. Boucke L. Infant Potty Training — A gentle and primeval method adapted to modern living. 2nd ed. Lafayette: White-Boucke Publishing, 2002.
Related Articles:
Diaper Free! [Video]
10 Reasons to go Diaper Free
Related Books:
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
The Diaper Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative
Infant Potty Training: A Gentle and Primeval Method Adopted to Modern Living
Potty Whispering: The Gentle Art of Infant Potty Training
Related Items:
Peaceful Parenting Amazon Store
The EC Store
Related Online Sites:
Tribal Baby
Elimination Communication Yahoo group
Diaper Free Baby
Laurie Boucke's Infant Potty Training Site
Natec's Elimination Timing
MamaRoo Diaper Free site
Ingrid Bauer's The Natural Child
The Diaper Free Baby
EC discussions at the following forums:
Mothering Magazine
Natural Parenting (AU)
Peaceful Parenting (Facebook)
Hi,
ReplyDeletegreat to hear about your dry day!
Really, though, Diaper Free is the destination, not the starting point, with EC. There is no problems using cloth backup - even if the baby doesn't 'use' the diaper.
My Jett is 13 months, and yep he can go a whole arvo in one pair of scrummy trainers (ahh bamboo velour!!!)
Great fun, is EC.
Charndra
I had NEVER even heard of this before a month or so ago, but after 4 kids, I can say from what I've seen of my own kids that it makes PERFECT sense. If i have another, I'll do this. I've TOTALLY seen the clues from all my babies when they were really little and with help and knowledge, I'm SURE this would work and be best for babies. Thanks for sharing, too late for this baby, but if I do it again, EC all the way. (It makes cloth make more sense too)
ReplyDeleteyep, agree with it all. And once you go down the path of EC, once you experience the paradigm shift, you really can't fathom conventionally diapering and potty-training another baby ever again ! I am currently doing full-time EC with my 9 week old baby girl, who has been diaper-free since birth. We love EC 'round here !
ReplyDeleteWhat an adorable photo! I didn't know he was the same age as Zonnie!
ReplyDeleteWe struggled to do full time EC too. The EC concept made sense to me, but we travel too much. So we've settled on a half-way approach. DD uses sposies while we're out and about and then is diaper free at home.
Only recently, she's starting asking to potty while we're running errands or at school, too. I don't know how I feel about that b/c public bathrooms are a pain and gross too.
That is one reason the "Little Potty" is great - it is small and light and can go in the car with us on trips. So far we haven't used public restrooms...but as long as we wash our hands afterward, I am not too worried. ;)
ReplyDeleteI also love tribalbaby.org for great resources & info. And I swear by this gem for the car & out & about (no worries about gross public toilets): http://www.potette.com/ I load it with a prefold inside the bag so I don't use a plastic bag every time it gets used. I know theecstore.com carries them, but someone mentioned seeing them even at BabiesRUs. I even used it myself once in a pinch :o
ReplyDeleteWe also EC and love it! I highly recommend giving your baby pottytunities, whether you go totally diaper free or not. Once you start, you can't help but take baby to the potty, as the whole idea of actually wanting baby to pee and poop in a diaper suddenly seems so wrong and unnatural. Why teach baby to soil his pants when you can teach him to use the potty instead?
ReplyDeleteWe are also at 13 months now and have been diaper-free since 9 months. We <3 EC! Thanks for all of your amazing posts. Wondering if you would like to add my site to your list of resources below your EC posts? I'd be honored!...I created it all over the last 8 months of raising my baby. It's at http://ecsimplified.com, where you'll see videos, articles, a wealth of resources, including my new EC book (endorsed by DiaperFreeBaby). Hugs! Andrea
ReplyDeleteHi! We have been practicing EC with our 3 month old for about a month or more now. He's really starting to get it! I am amazed when he wakes from a nap and his cloth diaper is still dry. I immediately run him to the potty and he goes! We are still using cloth when out and about, and he is still using them during most naps and nighttime, but we are noticing more frequent night wakings and I am wondering if it's bc he needs to wee! The problem is it's sometimes difficult to get him back to sleep after. Any suggestions on that? His sleep is very important as he's not the best at it, so I don't want to disturb it further, but want to continue with EC.
ReplyDeleteThanks in advance!
Never had any leak trouble with these. They are durable enough for her to play outside in and still stay dry.
ReplyDelete