Planting Seeds: Making a Difference Post by Post

By Danelle Frisbie

I met with a powerhouse, life-changing, lactation consultant, childbirth educator, and intactivist today at a major Eastern Iowa hospital. Their rate of breastfeeding initiation for babies born last week was 100%! Unfortunately, their rate of genital cutting is still far too high, and despite her attempts to get accurate and complete information to all parents about to say "okay" to the amputation of their son's prepuce, the hospital still half-heartedly hands over an (outdated and non-factual) list of general 'pros' and 'cons' of MGM. [Note: As countless informed doctors have repeated, and every reliable/valid study has shown: there are no 'pros' to neonatal infant circumcision.]

In any event, this hero of mine was telling stories from the hospital life that have happened since the last time we got together -- some made me laugh, some horrified me, many brought tears to my eyes, both happy and sad. Here, where only 5% of parents ever attend a childbirth or infant-care class, many leave the hospital as uninformed as they were when they first walked through the doors. And a great number of them (and their babies) leave in a state of health that is worse off than they would have been if they'd never set foot in the hospital in the first place. Most are induced. Drugs are ubiquitous. Women's pelvic floors are torn apart during birth. Babies face fractures, broken collar bones, bruises, punctures, and twists and turns of their tiny bodies that they were never meant to endure. New breastfeeding mothers suffer silently at home, thinking their crying baby "doesn't like her milk" when really, he is in pain - recovering from the amputation of part of his tiny, ultra-sensitive penis, or achy because his spine has been maneuvered in ways it was never meant to be. Misinformed friends tell these mothers it is "just colic" and will go away in a few months...

If moms reach out for help (some do, and this is great!) they are often advised to see a chiropractor skilled in working on newborns in pain. Hospital birth, as it stands in most U.S. states (and all the interventions and complications that arise as a result of 'violent' birth) reeks havoc on many bodies -- those of birthing mothers and the little ones they bring into the world.

But when so few seek out information or education ahead of time -- before bringing a new life into this world -- and even fewer still have access to skilled help and accurate and adequate information to make wise, health-conscious decisions -- I am left wondering how we reach those parents?

See, it is easy to educate and inform those seeking research-based information. In fact, most parents who do spend the same amount of time (or more!) researching birth options, breastfeeding, intact care, infant sleep, vaccinations, etc., as they do researching which stroller/carseat/layettes they wish to put baby into, come to fairly solid (baby-friendly) conclusions. Birth works best when left alone and trusted. Breastfeeding and keeping babies whole is normal. Babies sleep best near their mothers. Crying is indicative of an unmet need that must be figured out. Vaccinations must be weighed on an individual, case-by-case basis according to a child's specific needs and risk-factors, for any one manufactured injection, illness, or desired life-long, natural immunity.

I do what I can here via peaceful parenting - and I am constantly talking with new moms and dads I meet, answering questions, pointing them in directions that will be helpful, and not hurtful. It takes a lot of people planting seeds, but I do foresee this pretty fabulous garden springing forth in our future! :)

While we were hesitant to start the Facebook page for DrMomma.org in 2009, I am now thankful it was done. Although there are far too many misinformed comments (and sometimes, sadly, some rude comments) left by readers, there are also *MANY* people reached who would otherwise never have stumbled upon research-based, mother/baby-friendly care information. It is simply a fact (as much as it makes me cringe) that many young parents-to-be are getting their information about birth and babies from pop media sources and social networking sites.

Yes, family influence certainly plays a role in everything: "what my mom did..." or "my dad told me..." or "my best friend knows someone who..." still matters a great deal. But if each one reaches one, then accurate information goes a long way. And you never know when you may be treading on fertile ground... That post you share on Facebook, or the tweet you toss out to the world on Twitter may seem rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but there are many, many, MANY parents who have written us (and we are just one source of information among countless) to say thank you for giving them a go-to guide for research based advice after they stumbled upon a post that a friend-of-a-friend had shared.

I met with a group of 15 and 16 year old mothers the other day at a teen pregnancy support group in the hospital. They were rejoined together after having their babies. A few of them were huge breastfeeding advocates and had no shame in feeding their babies the way they were designed to eat. I was impressed. These young girls chatted about the latest and greatest trends in music and fashion and pop teen culture that I know nothing about - but they also shared with each other articles they saw on Facebook: about 200+ babies dying from circumcision each year in the U.S., and all the reasons their son was born perfect just the way he was. They asked if I'd come look at their crib that they'd turned into a cosleeper so they could comfortably share sleep and nurse at night on a safe surface. They showed me pictures they'd printed off of celebs carrying their babies, and nursing in public. We practiced wrapping with the Moby, and talked about gentle ways to soothe a tired baby. Ten years ago I may have told you that no one should parent a child in 21st century North America until they are at least 30 (after all, there is little to no support for new mothers in modern U.S. society). Yes, I know, you probably would have laughed at me... But today I realize that mothers of all ages can be fierce, instinctual, and deeply wise, protectors of their tiny cubs if, and when, they are given access to accurate information, baby-friendly resources, and empowering follow-up assistance, encouragement, and support. In many young groups, too, peers matter! So that tweet or post you mull around on may just be passed about for months or years to follow if you send it out into the world...

I encourage you - as silly as it may seem if you are a 35-yr-old mom or a 65-yr-old grandfather - to post and re-post items you find useful and informative online. Have a saved file of general comments packed full of additional useful links (babywearing/breastfeeding/intactivism/sleep/fussiness/carseats/vaccines/diet/etc.), and copy/paste this paragraph to any message board or thread that you come across where new parents are posing questions on a given subject. You do not need to spend all day there, and in fact, it may be best for your own sanity if you don't go back to read follow-up comments (especially on sites like "16 & Pregnant" "Parenting" "Circle of Moms" "Baby Center" and the like). But just putting your voice, with extra links, out there serves a bigger cause, and changes the world - little by little - each and every day. You can know you made a difference for at least ONE. And that matters!

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We've put together a few cards (found here) that we regularly hand to new parents, pregnant mothers, clients, post on public bulletin boards, or slide into pregnancy/birth/parenting books here and there...

One easy, friendly way to approach parents (or pregnant mommas) you see is to simply say, "Congratulations! Some of the info on this site really helped me when I had a baby..." Smile, hand a card, and continue on your way. Simple. Helpful. And s/he can take it or leave it. :)  With this non-intrusive, quick, light-hearted approach, I've never had anything but a positive reaction from parents.

Cheers to all of you in service for a gently parented next generation. You always inspire me!

We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending
because the importance of the information
outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs.
~ Maddy Reid

He who passively accepts evil
is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetuate it.
He who accepts evil without protesting against it
is really cooperating with it.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

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