We received a beautiful letter from peaceful parenting momma, Elizabeth, tonight. It warmed our hearts so much to hear of her gentle, wise ways of sleep sharing transitioning - always putting her young daughter's needs first. She said we could share with all of you.
Tonight we transitioned our daughter to her own bed. After five years of cosleeping she went to sleep solo for the first time in her own room, her own bed.
Although she has had her own bedroom for five years, and a bed in her room for two years, she wasn't quite comfortable yet on her own. And we were letting her lead the way - in her own perfect timing. She also had a toddler bed in our room, and some nights slept there as well. Most nights, however, she'd fall asleep in our big bed with me, and either stay there until morning, or move into her toddler bed at some point during the night. She and I slumbered together every single night from the day she was a newborn till she was three years old.
For a few weeks now she has mentioned and pointed out others she sees sleeping alone (friends, a cartoon character, etc.) and I have asked her if she thinks she's ready to do so.
Today she said yes.
So tonight I gave her a new nightlight, a cozy blanket, and put on some calming music. And she did awesome! She sang to herself for a bit. And then she sang to her nightlight for a bit. And then she was asleep. No tears. No fussing. No fear.
I often have people ask me (or rather, mock me) saying she will never leave our bed. They tell me that we've created a "monster."
NOPE.
We have an independent, trusting, securely attached, content child who has had her needs met every single day - and every single night - of her life.
And tonight, I am so proud of her.
You know what else?
I am proud of myself, too.
I brought her into this world at 21 years of age and could have easily chosen a different path of mothering. But I am so thankful I found and chose attachment parenting. It has been an amazing choice for us all.
Tonight we transitioned our daughter to her own bed. After five years of cosleeping she went to sleep solo for the first time in her own room, her own bed.
Although she has had her own bedroom for five years, and a bed in her room for two years, she wasn't quite comfortable yet on her own. And we were letting her lead the way - in her own perfect timing. She also had a toddler bed in our room, and some nights slept there as well. Most nights, however, she'd fall asleep in our big bed with me, and either stay there until morning, or move into her toddler bed at some point during the night. She and I slumbered together every single night from the day she was a newborn till she was three years old.
For a few weeks now she has mentioned and pointed out others she sees sleeping alone (friends, a cartoon character, etc.) and I have asked her if she thinks she's ready to do so.
Today she said yes.
So tonight I gave her a new nightlight, a cozy blanket, and put on some calming music. And she did awesome! She sang to herself for a bit. And then she sang to her nightlight for a bit. And then she was asleep. No tears. No fussing. No fear.
I often have people ask me (or rather, mock me) saying she will never leave our bed. They tell me that we've created a "monster."
NOPE.
We have an independent, trusting, securely attached, content child who has had her needs met every single day - and every single night - of her life.
And tonight, I am so proud of her.
You know what else?
I am proud of myself, too.
I brought her into this world at 21 years of age and could have easily chosen a different path of mothering. But I am so thankful I found and chose attachment parenting. It has been an amazing choice for us all.
Inspiring and beautiful. You should be commended, mama. Blessings to your family.
ReplyDeletethis is BEAUTIFUL!!!! :) :)
ReplyDeleteyou know what, this is just like the story with my son too!! he perfectly, and comfortably, chose to sleep in his own bed when he was ready; hes going to be 4 nov 28 and he still usually sleeps in our room; whether that means hes on the floor on the blanket bed we made for him, or in bed with me if i snore too much for my hubby's taste :P :P
either way, this is JUST what i experience. my son plays with his trucks, talk to himself, and goes to sleep. no tears, no fussing, no tantrum. its exactly what you say: people say that he wont EVER want to leave, but he does! and its beautiful perfect and just so fulfilling as a mother to experience!!
Bravo! It's always encouraging to hear about parents following their hearts and seeing the joy that results. Thanks for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this - it really is a beautiful example of how attachment parenting creates independent and wonderful children.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I could have written most of her post. Our daughter is nearly eight, and we too were told we were creating a monster. Not true! Our little girl transitioned when SHE was ready and we followed her lead. Yesterday she started 2nd grade and is a very good, happy and well adjusted young girl. Attachment Parenting has really paid off for us and we have no regrets!
ReplyDeleteLovely. :)
ReplyDeleteOur daughter was only 2.5yo when we first transitioned her to a bed in her own room, but we were also very gentle and followed her lead. We had suggested it previously and she didn't want to yet, so we didn't. No biggie!
When she said she did want to try it, we did. No pressure. She loved it!
She's not 3.5yo, and probably about 50% of the time she still ends up in bed with us by morning (she just gets up and comes to join us, rarely does she cry -- only if she had a bad dream), the rest of the time she stays happily in her own bed. And when asked, she will choose to sleep in her own bed.
Kids have different development schedules, independent sleep included. We often gave her the OPPORTUNITY to sleep alone (but near us) -- sidecarred a child's bed when she was about 14mo, moved it across the room but still in our room when she was almost 2 -- but never MADE her. When I perceived that she was ready for the 'next step', we would try it.
Now I can't say that we never have bedtime problems though! Tears, fussing, tantrums, etc. They're getting rarer, and we always deal with it gently (never CIO or anything). But that in and of itself is not a result of sleeping in her bed, because she does the same if we would try it in our bed. And it's not due to non-AP bedtime practices, because we don't use them. It's just due to a girl who doesn't want to go to sleep because she still wants to play. :)
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is especially inspirational to be because we currently cosleep with our 8.5 month old son and love it. Of course I get to hear from the ladies at work how I'm raising a monster too! I tell them no, I'm raising a child who is secure knowing his preants are there for him even in his dreams!
ReplyDeleteThanks again for the wonderful story.
Thank you. I have a 4 1/2 year old and a 1 year old which I am still sleeping with both. I needed this!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter co-slept her whole life off and on, she had her own room/bed all along but this past year, she ended up with us every night and one of us had to go sleep in her bed. We finally said hey, she doesn't want to sleep alone, she doesn't have too- and we moved her bed into our room. Now she sleeps great through the night. We got a lot of crap for it, but like you said, she won't want this forever. (she's 5). When she's ready, her room awaits.
ReplyDeleteThanks for helping this mom feel a little less like society's outcast :)
Our oldest daugter decided right before her 5th birthday that she wanted to sleep in her room in her own bed. I have to admit it was a bit of a surprise for me and I missed having her with me at night...but she has slept in her own bed in her own room ever since. It seems that our little ones just know when it is time for them to venture out and test their independence without us having to push them into it. No tears necessary (well, maybe a little tear from mama watching her little ones grow up!)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is now 27 but we co-slept until the day before kindergarten when she told us she was ready to be in her own room. I would ask her as she was growing up what bedtime meant for her and she said, "I loved it because you were there." She is indeoendent, loving and responsible. She put herself through college, paid for a 9 week trip to Europe on her own and now creates disaster preparedness websites for cities. NO, not a monster!
ReplyDelete